Women Are From Where? The other night, after throwing the kids outside and putting the animals to bed (we discovered our mistake the next morning), my wife and I settled in for a quiet evening alone. We don't get much time to ourselves anymore, what with work and the cons
Who Cracked My Crystal Ball? It seems like an awful lot of people are asking my opinion these days, usually about things on which I have no opinion to give. They ask my take on international politics, global warming, the overseas stock markets, the future of the Eurodollar, the
When Great Minds Meet As a native son, I know that it doesn't take much to get the average Alabamian excited. Double coupon day at Kroger will do it; the opening of a Super Wal-Mart; an Elvis sighting; a batch of Georgia lottery tickets smuggled in by a coworker and sold
What's my mama gonna say? I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but I, Tim Knox, noted humanitarian, former Eagle Scout, and lover of mankind the world over, am a sexist pig. Sorry, mama. I had no idea. I came to this startling realization after an angry female re
Thingamabobs And Whatchamadigits Maybe you weren't aware of it, but one of the requirements of being a good dad is that you must know everything there is to know about everything. Or at least act like you do. And you must always be at the ready to share your vast storehouse of wisdo
The Unsinkable Tim Knox Anyone out there old enough to remember 'The Omega Man,' the 1971 film starring Charlton Heston as Colonel Robert Neville, the last "normal" man on earth? You remember, everyone else on the planet had been turned into deranged albino-mutants by some
The Tax Man Cometh Someone once said that there are only two things in life that are certain: death and taxes. I would argue that death and taxes are really one and the same, the only difference being that death can only claim you once, while taxes can kill you every y
The Tanya Factor Is it me or are the 1998 Winter Olympics about as exciting as watching old people speedwalk at the mall? Don't get me wrong, I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but when the nightly highlight show contains fifteen minutes of slow-motion replays of the
The Smarter White Meat I know you're probably going to find this hard to believe, especially those of you who write in every week seeking my advice on life's really tough problems (Note to Marvin in Mobile: Yes, no, ask your doctor, I think that's illegal in ALL 50 states,
The Sky Is Falling The other morning, I was sitting at my kitchen table eating my usual bowl of generic cereal (Crispy Hexagons, to be exact), when the national news came on TV. The top stories of the day were: "A giant, killer asteroid is headed toward Earth, and Amer
The Religion Of Football Here in Alabama, there are three classes of people: Alabama Crimson Tide fans, Auburn Tiger fans, and atheists. Two of the three will go to Hell when they die. Which two depends entirely on who you ask. Those Alabamians who like football but have no
The Real McCaugheys The birth of the McCaughey Septuplets has everyone thinking and talking babies. Even couples who have never before felt the desire to hear the pitter-patter of little feet stepping all over their stuff are considering taking the plunge. You hear them
The New Fab Four The news of their arrival reached these shores long before they did. A massive ad campaign introduced them to America and touted their status as Britain's "New Fab Four." There was an extensive media blitz launched by the television network that woul
The Intelligent Diaper I believe it was Frank Zappa who said, "Necessity is the mother of invention," which means that if there is a public need for something, sooner or later, someone will invent it; and then Microsoft will steal the idea, produce a cheaper, far inferior
The Four Letters Between PG & R When I was a kid, there were certain words you just didn't say in front of your parents, or any grownup suspected of being a parental snitch. Swear words, my mama called them, cuss words, words little kids shouldn't say lest the Bad Word Police come
